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Why I Hate YouTube

My YouTube Experience

By amira iilhiPublished 5 years ago 5 min read
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I’ve debated talking about this for a long time and haven’t known how exactly to come forward and tell my story in a light that can be understood and respected. I can’t possibly be the only person to have experienced something like this and I most certainly won’t be the last. So, if my voice can help one person who has the misfortune of going through something like this, then I will consider my efforts to have been a success.

Let me start by saying there is much more I would like to explain but I’ve accepted that it is not for my voice to share or at least not right now.

So, let’s start here:

The Beginning

2016 was a very lonely year. I was rejected by the father of my child, my own father, and so many others who conveniently left my life when I got pregnant.

Most rejection is a result of poor compatibility or simply facing different life paths, but studies show that most people blame themselves and destroy their own self esteem.

And to make matters worse, I just kept reopening the wound every time I texted or called my daughter's father, asking him to be there.

I’m much different now and I don’t think any woman or person should put themselves through this type of crushing disrespect for anyone and I mean anyone. Family, friends, boyfriends—nobody is worth the loss of your happiness or self esteem.

But I remember what it’s like and it’s terrible the things you’ll put yourself through when you have no concept of self-worth and an untreated mental illness.

Lastly, I will say that I do believe in Karma and I believe that times are always darkest before the dawn. However, that is not what this story is about. So, for the sake of context, I’ll end this episode of the story here.

The Middle

I know there were people in my life who were so wonderful during that time and I don’t want to discredit them at all. I think the pain and the responsibility of everything going on made me blind to a lot of the good in my life at the time, but truth is that I felt very alone and so desperate for a new life—that I created one.

In 2017, I got a new job, started going to college, and it was the first time I hopped in front of a camera and started vlogging. I created my own world away from the people who outcasted me. I was making new friends every day and had actual goals for my future. It was very refreshing, and the best day happened when I made a viral video in response to Jenna Marbles’ "Esto 1121" video. I’d never had 5,000 people listen to anything I had to say before and it was so positive and uplifting, and the best part was I was able to be myself and people accepted it

I was feeling good and ambitious for the future. In December 2017, I submitted an internship application to a marketing firm in New York City. On January 1st, 2018 I submitted a follow up email and then—almost immediately—it all went away.

I was a small YouTuber. My videos received about 20-50 views per video with 3-5 likes. I was holding contests and trying my best to connect with new subscribers, but I was also in love with creating content. I was happy to get the little amount of views that I did.

But one day I logged in and it was as if everything I’d worked on in the last year had become completely worthless. My entire channel was hurt. I was getting 10-16 dislikes on every video. I think the most disliked video has 18 dislikes—and then the hateful comments started rolling in and every day was a fight with a new hater. A few of my subscribers were even fighting “these people.”

It was a nightmare.

It took me a long time to learn that one person could buy as many dislikes as he wants. That one person could be so messed up as to create multiple catfish accounts for no other purpose than to post mean comments. But my question to this person is why?

The End

I learned a lot about YouTube that year and ultimately I lost all respect and faith in the platform. The fact that mean comments and dislikes are out there, and everyone can see whether your channel is failing or succeeding—it changes people and I watched YouTube change a lot of people that year.

And I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand why something so saboteur happened to me. And, though mind-boggling, I don’t think it’s completely out of the question to think that a big YouTuber could be out there vandalizing small YouTube accounts to cancel new competitors before they can really enter the market.

Could be farfetched, but we’ve seen people do much crazier things for an upper hand on the platform.

One thing is for sure, I can’t be the only small YouTuber to have experienced this and I just hope this article can help others who have.

My biggest concern with telling my story was the risk of sounding like a whiny millennial who’s salty that her YouTube channel didn’t take off—which there is some truth to that—but there are a lot of whiny millennials whose YouTube channel did take off, or at least got a fair chance and I think there’s something to be said about that and having the respect, as a community, for someone’s creative works that take hours of sleepless nights to edit.

To conclude, I’m grateful for platforms like Instagram and Vocal Media for providing a space for creatives to come together and monetize their art. This experience truly made me grateful for caring, genuine people like my followers and I look forward to allowing nothing but positive good energy into my life in 2019.

Thanks for reading, shoot me a message if you can relate and I’ll be back with a new blog soon!

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